NEWSFLASH: E. Coli Contamination Claims Another Victim As Popeye Calls It Quits
SWEETHAVEN, Sept. 29 -- The E. coli outbreak and subsequent removal of all spinach and spinach-related products from local businesses have claimed a victim: the career of Popeye the Sailor Man.
"Withouts me's spinachk, I can'ts even saves me Olive Oyl, ag ag ag ag ag," said the diminutive dynamite, his signature laugh deteriorating into a sob.
At a mere 5'6" and 160 pounds, Popeye could well have enjoyed a decent career as a deckhand or a porter. Instead, he opted to follow in his pappy's footsteps as a full-fledged "Sailor Man," with all the responsibilities, duties, and, yes, privileges that entails. But quiet moments with Ms. Oyl and his best friend, J. Wellington Wimpy, were short-lived, due to interference from foes like the Sea Hag and her buzzard, Buzzy, and his fierce rivalry with other Sailor Men, such as Brutus and Bluto.
"Brutusk? Bluto? Is there a difference?" he mused. "I can'ts even tells which one of them scallywags stole me Olive this time," Popeye said. "Without having a can of me spinachk, I can'ts fight neither of 'em no-how."
Popeye attempted eating other green vegetable, such as arugala, kale, and even non-leafy greens, like broccoli, in an effort to regain his almost mythical fighting prowess. "Dids they turn me arms into anvils? Dids they let me corn-cob pipe be used as a rocket to fly? No. Alls them other vegetables dids was gives me gask."
In closing, Popeye told this reporter that this was his most embarrassing moment since opening night of the movie in which Robin Williams portrayed him.
"Withouts me's spinachk, I can'ts even saves me Olive Oyl, ag ag ag ag ag," said the diminutive dynamite, his signature laugh deteriorating into a sob.
At a mere 5'6" and 160 pounds, Popeye could well have enjoyed a decent career as a deckhand or a porter. Instead, he opted to follow in his pappy's footsteps as a full-fledged "Sailor Man," with all the responsibilities, duties, and, yes, privileges that entails. But quiet moments with Ms. Oyl and his best friend, J. Wellington Wimpy, were short-lived, due to interference from foes like the Sea Hag and her buzzard, Buzzy, and his fierce rivalry with other Sailor Men, such as Brutus and Bluto.
"Brutusk? Bluto? Is there a difference?" he mused. "I can'ts even tells which one of them scallywags stole me Olive this time," Popeye said. "Without having a can of me spinachk, I can'ts fight neither of 'em no-how."
Popeye attempted eating other green vegetable, such as arugala, kale, and even non-leafy greens, like broccoli, in an effort to regain his almost mythical fighting prowess. "Dids they turn me arms into anvils? Dids they let me corn-cob pipe be used as a rocket to fly? No. Alls them other vegetables dids was gives me gask."
In closing, Popeye told this reporter that this was his most embarrassing moment since opening night of the movie in which Robin Williams portrayed him.
posted by Jeremy at 12:33 AM
1 Comments:
Hee hee!!! I suggest that Popeye get fresh spinach from a small family farm who uses trustworthy production methods. It should be fine. Or grow his own, just to be sure. But don't let Bluto/Brutus near it.
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